I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
