So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
