No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
