just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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