come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
