Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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