you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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