you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
