The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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