No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
