did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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