listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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