i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
