Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He? As in you personified your dick?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
