C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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