I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
