i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
