Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
