So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How external is "for external use only"?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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