Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
