Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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