it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
