Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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