U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
