I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
