I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
