I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
