There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
