I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
