I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
