I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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