Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
