I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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