it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
