If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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