I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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