I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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