I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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