bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
