The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
