I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
