Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
