I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
