I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
