I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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