$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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