I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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