so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
