i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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