just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
