i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
