He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
