she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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