I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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