we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
false alarm. still invincible.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
