Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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