My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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