we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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