Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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