I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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