Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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