Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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