i don't like sucking hair
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
