And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
